4 WAYS SELF-LOVE CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE – For good mental health

THE TRUTH ABOUT SELF LOVE- 4 TIPS to Self-love, and why it is important  WATCH THIS VIDEO

FOR MORE ABOUT HOW TO BE SELF COMPASSIONATE FOLLOW THIS LINK- https://www.moonrosemindfulness.com/post/how-to-love-yourself-3-tips-to-mindful-self-compassion

NOW, let us LOOK AT how to have self-compassion

  1. Forgive Yourself 

Forgiveness means that you accept what has happened and your behaviour and be willing to move past it and move on with your life without worrying about things that cannot be changed. As a therapist, I learned this approach to self-forgiveness, which is also the Biblical way to forgiveness. Jesus taught us to forgive others- however- we need to forgive ourselves as well! Matthew 6:14 14For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 

The below method suggests that four key actions can help you to forgive yourself. 

The 4 R’s of Self-Forgiveness 

  1. Responsibility 
  1. Remorse 
  1. Restoration 
  1. Renewal 

Forgiving yourself is beneficial for any good mental, physical, and relationship health.  

Letting go and offering yourself forgiveness can help boost your feelings of wellness and improve your self-confidence. The act of forgiveness can also positively impact your physical health. Have you heard the expression “he’s eaten up with hate”? Science and the Bible tell us that unforgiveness can manifest itself negatively in our physical bodies. If we can’t forgive ourselves, then it will be impossible to forgive others impacting our relationships.  

  1. Remind Yourself – No more People Pleasing.  

Have you heard the expression keep your opinions to yourself? Well. That’s the philosophy I was brought up with, as were many of my generation. As a result, I became fearful of what others thought of me. To this end, I expressed no personal opinion of my own in case someone did not agree with me, and I would upset them. To avoid upset, I learned to keep my opinions to myself. Unfortunately, this led me to the weakness of people-pleasing. The problem with this approach is that one forgets what is important in their own life and tends to live ‘through’ other people’s experiences, which I sad. 

I began to observe the same behaviours in others and saw what resulted from their lives down the track. Therefore, I decided that I would no longer be a people pleaser and that my opinion does matter. After a struggle of years, much sweat, and tears, I finally rid myself of such behaviour and began to value myself. In valuing myself, I was able to love myself.  

  1. Do Things That Make you Happy. 

Someone once said, ‘you were not born to live to just pay the bills then die’. No, you are more highly valued than that! 

If you are happy, you will be more productive, motivated, and fulfilled. So when the alarm sounds, you will bounce out of bed in the morning, ready to begin ad brand new day with its challenges. However, if you are unhappy, you’ll be more likely to pull the covers over your head when the alarm sounds because you just can’t face your day. 

If you are happy within yourself, it will become self-evident. You’ll automatically spread positivity, love, and joy, and Others will notice and want to be around you. After all, who wants to cosy up to a grump? 

So, think about what makes you happy and ensure you engage with those things regularly. Don’t get so busy that you have no time to do the things you enjoy. Maintaining happiness takes effort because it is a state of mind, and then doing those things that make you happy will reinforce that attitude. 

Thank you for visiting me here; I hope this post was helpful.  

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Also, head over to my other blog www.moonrosemindfulnes.com for lifestyle tips and details of my Course.  

  Virtual hugs, I look forward to your visit to my next blog post! 

  Paula Rose Parish 💕

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LIVE in HOPE, FAITH & LOVE because Your Best Life is Yet to Come! 

Paula is an Ordained Minister, Blogger, Podcaster, Course Creator, Published Author and has a Master of Arts in Counselling and many other qualifications and a lifetime so, I have heaps to share with you.

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How to Handle Being Misunderstood and the hurt incurred.

When you put yourself out there on the world wide web, there is an inescapable chance that misunderstanding and judgment will occur. Within relationships misunderstanding happens very easily, pulling families apart. The work place is a hot bed for misunderstandings to occur, its the job of management to resolve staff conflict.

Holistic living

In his blog, Ryan Frederick points out that when misunderstood, you must Find your identity & security only in Christ. The following is a quote from his blog to help you get started with this idea…….

……………” Christ understands you. He sees you from afar (Psalm 138:6), he designed and crafted you from within (Psalm 139:13-14), and he knows what it’s like to be human and to be tested (Hebrews 4:15). I hope this doesn’t roll off your back as a cliche. You are KNOWN. This is the first point because the rest will flow from this. If you know who you are in Christ, you can proceed with that knowledge and his perspective in mind. For example, maybe “being right” isn’t important at this moment. Maybe you just need to extend grace because your spouse hurting or not in a place to be corrected.” From <https://fiercemarriage.com/4-things-consider-next-time-feel-misunderstood

Although Ryan refers his idea to marriage, it is also relevant across the broad spectrum of relationships, and we can learn from this. As you know, I hold to the fact that holistic living is the way to bring wholeness to your everyday life. To make Christ the centre of your life feeds and frees your spirit. Your mind is calmed and brought hope and peace, then your body responds positivity. 

There have been times that I have shrunk away from God, sort of blaming him when in times of turmoil. Until a wake-up call thought entered my head! And it went something like this….

 ……….you are rejecting me when things go wrong. This shows you are laying the blame squarely on me- isn’t that what others have done to you? So, why play the blame game- it gets you nowhere and will estrange you from me….

 Well, I have to say that it certainly was woke me up! I realised I was feeling sorry for myself and had to snap out of it. 

So, What did I do next?

Forgiving (the holistic spirit)

 I knelt in prayer asking God in Christ to forgive me for withdrawing from his presence. I asked for forgiveness for any part that I played in the problem. I asked for wisdom (which I need tons of!) to work through the situation with grace and love and kindness. I asked the person for forgiveness and offered to talk it through, they refused to accept it and wanted to keep the drama playing. I was powerless to change that, so I prayed again- this time it was a blessing on those who misunderstood me, thus rejecting me. I asked God for the strength to let go and let God have his way.

I know I have written extensively about forgiveness in the past, but I think we all need a reminder to ensure that we do apply forgiveness. It’s far too easy to be so emotionally involved in our hurt feelings, that our hard heart will not reach out to forgive. Forgiveness applies to everybody. Forgive yourself. Forgive others.

Pay it no mind (the holistic mind)

In 1 Corinthians 13, the “love chapter,” we have a list of love’s attributes. Included in the description of love, however there are some things that love is not. Verse 5 says that ‘love keeps no record of wrongs.’ Or, as the Amplified Bible translates it, “It takes no account of the evil done to it, in other words – it pays no attention to a suffered wrong.”

The bottom line is that If you say you forgive, but keep the offence at the forefront, throwing back details into the person’s face, keeping the drama going– let’s get real here- You have not forgiven! True forgiveness pays no mind, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Stop digging holes (the holistic body)

This is what I am guilty of and the situation is always made worse. I try to rescue the situation, and the more I try the deeper the darn hole gets! Soon I have dug so deep that I can’t see over the rim. I have buried myself in all the turmoil and hurt! look familiar?

 Well, I think if you are a rescuer or fixer, you can relate.

We must learn when it’s time to quit – then quit. This is the best thing to do or even the right thing. Surrender the situation to God. To leave the person who says you have offended them its best to leave them to their own emotions and choices. If  the other person is not happy with your explanation, it’s their problem not yours. You cannot satisfy someone who is adamant about having an argument. Do yourself a big favour and don’t engage in further discussion – stop digging!

It is time to stop digging and to cement that hole over and don’t go there again. It’s time, to take a breath of fresh air and start again. Accept when the situation cannot be rescued by you. If you wish to, leave the door open for the person who has misunderstood you. If they truly love you, they will want reconciliation as much as you.

Concentrate on those who truly care for you!

People get sacked from work due to misunderstandings and end up suing their employer for unfair dismissal. When misunderstandings cause family estrangement it is heart rendering indeed. Families who fall out forever is more common than you think. For many people, family is the centrepiece of their life. It’s where we gain a huge aspect of our identity, find comfort and support, unconditional acceptance, and a sense of belonging. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have raised the issue of estrangement to a world wide level. On the internet their is a plethora of websites dedicated to helping parents of estranged from their children. One web site community group that I visited had over 40,000 membership! This shows how common this problem really is. For those who are estranged from their families, the family unit may become threatening as and not feel safe or nurturing. I have readers and followers from all over the world so I will outline some recent research from a few different countries.

Social worker and academic, Dr Kylie Agllias, has been researching family estrangements and how they impact us. Her research has revealed that about one in 25 Australian adults has been estranged from their family at some point in their lives. She says that family estrangements occur when there is a breakdown of trust, emotional intimacy and there are strong contrasting values. 

In the UK statics show that family estrangement has been defined as distancing and loss of affection that occurs over years or even decades within a family. It isn’t clear if such estrangement is on the rise since it is a relatively young field of research, but it is common. However, Research by Stand Alone, a UK charity that supports people who are estranged from relatives, suggests that estrangement affects at least one in five British families. Stand Alone founder Becca Bland, who has personal experience of estrangement as she has no contact with her parents, has also noticed that the topic is much more discussed than in the past. This is borne out by Google Trends data showing steady growth in people searching for estrangement-related terms, primarily in Canada, Australia and Singapore.

One United States of America study of more than 2,000 mother-child pairs found that 10% of mothers were currently estranged from at least one adult child. And one US study found that more than 40% of participants had experienced family estrangement at some point – suggesting that in certain groups, such as US college students, estrangement may be almost as common as divorce. Sound like an epidemic doesn’t it? 

I am sure the statics are similar across the world. It is a sad situation but one that is very real, and common. If you have been misunderstood and estranged from your family, be assured that you are not alone and there is a lot of help out there if you research and look for it. 

Those who truly love and care for you may not be your family. Friends are great because there is no history of offence with them. Unless you have grown up with them, you have a clean slate upon which to build a relationship. Appreciate them and keep in contact with those people. I have lots of lovely friends. I have found a unique relationship with each of my friends. With each one, we talk about different things and enjoy together various activities which are quite different from another. The friendship develops around the common ground which must be nurtured to grow.

Care for your Body

Being misunderstood causes your inner gut to twist and turn to make you feel sick. This is your body reacting to your emotional mind. You must care for your body. Don’t pummel it with alcohol or overload it with sugar, or late nights out. Nurture and care for your body with good food and passive exercise. Your body is the house your live in. In a time of turmoil, we forget about our bodily needs. 

When upset, I tend to stop eating and work from Dawn to Dusk. However, I am learning to do things differently. I look at my body like I look upon my two dogs. They are helpless without me. Whether I feel like it or not I must feed them, walk them, and stroke and groom them. I must provide a safe and enjoyable environment for them. Do the same for your body. 

Whether you feel like it or not, provide a safe and enjoyable environment for yourself. Feed your body well with natural foods, exercise it, groom it, care for it whether you feel like it or not – this is the only one you have! Your emotions can make you sick if you do not righty care for your body. I use many tools to help me with this and in posts to come, I will share them with you. 

 But in the meantime, you will find about how to care for your body mindfully, which is laid out in my new course and will be made available to you in summer 2021. If you want some ideas and tools to how to self-care, making it a priority or do not know how to start your holistic journey, check out the course, – subscribe free to this blog to get updates on this!

Thank you for visiting me here, I hope this post was helpful, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to contact me and share any thoughts you have. And if you enjoy reading this blog, please support it by subscribing or sharing, bookmarking and visiting the site.

 If feel you would like further support through counselling or coaching, please contact me. Details of How to get in touch with me is found in the top menu on my home page.

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Virtual hugs, I look forward to your visit to my next blog post!

Paula Rose Parish

Let’s talk about Clergy Power Abuse.

The identification of Clergy Power Abuse is relatively new,

and sometimes it is called Spiritual Abuse.

This article deals primarily with Clergy who have overstepped the mark to control and manipulate their followers with them the followers even knowing it. I think it is vital to widen understanding, urge Christian institutions, religious and healthcare professionals to look at the full range of abuses to develop policies and procedures that address spiritual abuse issues. 

When I began my research initially, I thought that I might detail some of my own experiences of the abuse I experienced by men of power. However, fascinating as personal and anecdotal experiences may be, it is dangerous to generalise such experiences. Everybody has their own experience, and their own hurt to deal with. I looked around to see what people have written on the subject, thinking that I might interact with some of the pertinent literature. To my amazement, within the British scene, at least, there was virtually nothing. I wanted to change that and contribute my expertise to the mix; therefore, I based my master’s dissertation on this critical issue (you can find on this web site) of Clergy who use the power of their position to abuse. Unsurprisingly, I found such abuse devastatingly common.

There is no one single reason to why and how this kind of abuse occurs. I have found that some Clergy- and TV evangelist followers suffer from a considerable agree of naivety if not self-inflicted blindness- as did I. They swallow what they are told by these leaders without reason or question. We know that power games are a reality in the world of politics and business, but we do not want to accept that they are also a reality in the Christian world.

Dynamic Forces are at work and if any intelligent reading of the New Testament reveals that there were power struggles right from the beginning of the early Church’s life. One recalls when James and John anxious to sit on the right and left hand of Jesus in his glory, also gentile converts, are typical the bickering factions we see in the Christian world today. In every strand of the New Testament, we can find evidence of power struggles affecting Gods peoples’ lives, and nothing has changed since. We can stick our heads in the sand and hope this awful phenomenon will go away- I got news for you – It won’t, it’s alive and well!

The truth is, unless major power struggles are dealt with, seeds of destructiveness may spill over from one generation to another. In other words, institutional viruses (memes) can change the players, but the struggles do not. We know from dealing with COVID-19 pandemic that viruses never go away, they just mutate and adapt to new environments to grow and flourish. Clergy abuse, Spiritual abuse is a virus of the Christian world that must be addressed, and the vaccination is to bring people to justice and make leaders accountable for what they do.

Not all power games involve struggles between laity and ordained ministers. Such conflicts occur at various levels, for instance, some church leaders are pawns in the hands of their church boards. Sometimes ministers become the victims of a small but influential faction within the Church. Any issue of a power struggle within the Church is power is perverted, people manipulated, families are divided, and casualties abound. An unhealthy dependence of members on the leadership develops and ultimately creates total spiritual confusion in their lives. The leaders of such Churches so mesmerise their followers that, for a while at least, their leadership is accepted without question. Extreme examples of this are when I think of the Peoples Temple led by Rev Jim Jones, responsible for the suicide and murder of some 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. We mustn’t forget about the Branch Davidians led by David Koresh, many of whose adherents died in the siege in Waco in 1993. However, the sad fact is, abuses of power are also found in more orthodox Churches, and maybe to be found in your Church?

I have been involved in the charismatic community churches for more than half-life, and I have found that some are particularly prone to authorisation leadership, manipulation, excessive discipline, and spiritual intimidation. An early membership handbook from Harvest Time Restoration group of churches based in Bradford, UK, demands submission to the Church’s leaders on the same level as submission to God. One noticeable difference, of course, is that human leaders are fallible, whereas God is infallible. This is just one example of how many churches across the world control their members. One danger for any with positions of power within the Church is that it will be misused consciously or otherwise. One of the most subtle and damaging abuses of power is to discourage the thinking of the flock. 

These people as adults panic when asked their opinion – they honestly don’t know because they have lost their capacity to form an opinion – I know this far too well because I was one of them. To gain one’s self-respect and identity is a very, painful long haul indeed. The abuse of power is about divesting others of their power to gain more power. The abuse of power is about disrespecting those they abuse.

Clergy are members of the helping professions; the pastor is always in a position of power concerning seeker for help. In general, the helping professions can be unconsciously be motivated by a lust for power, while appearing to operate under a cloak of objective moral rectitude. The problem is, when you have more than three people in some kind of intentional community, religious or secular, you are going to have a political community, hence power dynamics. Some Clergy who through the power of their persona and position abuse their laypeople and the lay people let them.

 Power in itself is not wrong. The Holy Spirit is the power of God in action. The proper use of power is the ability to mobilise resources to be useful towards specific ends. Power is neither good nor evil, it’s just necessary.

However, is it the abuse of power that is the sin! Jesus Christ did not come to abuse his power, but for all, he surrendered his power to save humankind- John 3. Jesus used his power as God incarnate to humble himself to become a human being, teach, heal, die, rise from the dead, and be resurrected to be free from sins power. Jesus Christ served others in all he did and was. So, Let’s use our power rightly and all what we do, do in love by following the example of Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

If this article has unsettled you or touched you and has raised some hurt or questions for you, I wish to help so please contact me – you are not alone in this. 

Until next time- Live Life on Purpose in Hope. Faith. Love,

Rev Paula 💕

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