4 Simple Steps to the best way to make a decision you won’t Regret.

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Sometimes making decisions is hard, especially when some doubts or fears make you reconsider your position, and so you hesitate and wonder if you should give up or keep going. This indecisiveness can be a torment if we allow it to be. Trying to make a choice that feels unclear is really difficult to do. Choosing to move on from something, to take a new job, to begin or end a relationship – you know the big decisions – can sometimes be so all-consuming, confusing, and fearful that we end up making none at all, and just settle for the status quo.
So, how can we teach ourselves to make our decisions with confidence? The best way through is to try to be objective.

Ask Yourself Questions

To be objective, ask yourself a question as if someone else is asking you. Try to remove yourself from any apparent emotion that may influence you and ask..

.a. how do I choose the right thing?

b. How do I know that I am not making a mistake?

In this blog, I am here to share with you that Mindfulness can help you in this regard.’ Along with prayer, I have found Mindfulness to be a powerful tool that enables your mind to focus your attention to get the answers you need. It can become more than a practice, but a lifestyle that helps you be aware at all times. Mindfulness teaches you to pay attention to what’s happening right now. It also answers how and why enabling you to focus on the decisions you need to make.

If you want more details about Mindfulness and how to implement it into your life, search my blog post because I have many articles that will help you with that. T

To make the right choice, you need to understand each part of the step-by-step process that goes into making informed decisions.

Here are Four Simple Steps to help you Prayerfully make informed decisions

  1. Identify the problem
  2. Gather the information to define the decision to be made
  3. Make a choice
  4. Learn from feedback

1. Identify the Problem.

For effective decision-making, you need to accurately identify the problem to be solved. This might sound straightforward, but it’s impossible to begin working on a plan of action when you don’t fully comprehend the question you are trying to answer. Mindfully (stay in the moment) and reflect upon the problem, develop questions accordingly, and then write them down. Look at them and allow them to soak into you. Ensure that these are the right question to ask. Wrong decisions are repeatedly made when the question is incorrectly identified, so make sure you precisely and accurately spot the decision that must be made. When you are satisfied, move to the next step.


2. Gather the information to define the decision to be made.

Now, Take your notebook or computer and write down the information you gather. This is part of the mindfulness process. Mindfulness is kind to your brain and your brain cannot remember all that you need to. So use your notebook so you can refer to it later. Also, by writing it down it can be shared with others. Decision-making requires a good understanding of the current state of the problem to be solved to understand all implications of the potential choices you have. For this reason, it can be valuable to consider the views of all parties involved because they will be affected by the decision. These may include family, customers, employees, or suppliers. Gather accurate information on how the current problem is affecting people now.


Be sure to identify existing conditions that may be connected to the decision in question. As much information as possible should be gathered to build your confidence that a decision has been accurately and appropriately made before additional evaluation and alternatives begin. It is rare for there to be only a decision that is conclusive and there’s no alternative; Once a decision has been defined, the next step is to identify the alternatives to select from. Try to identify as many different alternatives as possible without making too narrow a distinction between them, and narrow the list based on evaluation, resource limitations, or time constraints or any other revenant factor. You may decide to do nothing, which is an alternative worthy of reflection.


3. Make a choice

To make the right choice Meditation or if you prefer to call it- prayer and reflection is a mindful process. Prayer and reflection together give you time and space just for you to clear your head of any bias and look at the facts objectively. There is nothing worse than an emotional decision- I know I have a lot of them behind me!


But when you sit down and close your eyes to meditate or reflect, you are pressing pause for a few minutes. This is a moment of quiet and peace that can help to put all the heaviness and confusion surrounding a big decision into a balanced perspective. This mindful process helps you to connect with what is right for you. There is an inner voice we all hear – our intuition. We often make decisions with our emotions which can be all over the place. If you’re confused, unsure, or overwhelmed by a decision, concentrate on listening to yourself and the voice of others.


4. Learn from feedback

Feedback isn’t simply about someone telling you what you did right or wrong – it’s a process in which you reflect on your decision and take action to correct it or improve future decision-making. Feedback is quick and easy if you ask yourself these questions….

  1. what is the outcomes of the decision?
  2. what I need to improve, or adapt and
  3. Could I have dome thing differently – If so, How?

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How to know you’re dealing with a toxic person: Matthew 11:23

Mark 11:28 Context

25And when ye stand praying, forgive if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father, which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. 27And they come again to Jerusalem: and as he was walking in the temple, there come to him the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders, 28And say unto him, By what authority doest thou these things? and who gave thee this authority to do these things? 29And Jesus answered and said unto them, I will also ask you one question, and answer me, and I will tell you by what authority I do these things. 30The baptism of John, was it from heaven or of men? answer me. 31And they reasoned with themselves, saying, If we shall say, From heaven; he will say, Why then did ye not believe him?

When the Bible talks about scribes, Pharisees, and chief priests, we pretty much know what to expect. They were religious leaders, but we know them as Jesus’ enemies. This is because they were constantly scheming against Jesus, trying to trick him, trap him, and try to trip him up.

This story is about Toxic people, and we can learn how to deal with such people who are in our lives.

Sometimes it’s fun to read the stories about them because they often find themselves caught in the trap they had set for Jesus. Reading about the scribes and Pharisees is a little like watching a Roadrunner cartoon. If you are around my age, you may remember the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote? 

The scene would open with Wile E. Coyote standing at the lip of a cliff, struggling to push a huge boulder to fall on Roadrunner as he comes by on the road below. Then we would see Roadrunner running along the road at warp speed and Wile E. Coyote struggling to push the boulder in time to squash him. Then, finally, Roadrunner would zip by–beep, beep–before the rock ever posed any danger, and Wile E. Coyote, in his panic, would trip and fall over the cliff. 

We would see him falling through the air and being squashed flat as he hit the road. He would then pick himself up and begin to pull himself together, then he would look up–and there the rock would be, right above him–and Wile E. would find himself squashed flat one more time by the rock that he had intended for Roadrunner. And then we would see Roadrunner again, still moving at warp speed–beep, beep! I love Roadrunner cartoons.

The Toxic People

The Scribes and Pharisees are toxic people, they try to trap Jesus, they often fall into their own trap. It’s fun to watch–especially if you’re a Roadrunner fan!

In our Gospel lesson today, the chief priests and elders ask Jesus where he gets his authority. That was a legitimate question! The chief priests and elders were responsible for the religious life of Israel, and Jesus was doing some pretty provocative things.

For one thing, just before today’s Gospel lesson, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. Yet, at the same time, the people shouted, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” And Jesus did nothing to correct them.

Then Jesus went into the temple, where people were buying and selling animals for temple sacrifice, and others were serving as moneychangers. These sellers of animals and moneychangers were well within their rights to do what they were doing. Nothing happened in the temple without the priests’ permission, so the sellers and moneychangers must have asked for and received permission to do what they were doing. In other words, they were AUTHORISED!

If you have ever served in the military, you know that word–AUTHORISED! If you are authorised, you can do it. If you are not authorised, you cannot. It’s that simple!

Well, these animal sellers and moneychangers were AUTHORISED! They had permission to sell animals and to change money on the temple grounds. The priests had given them permission, or they could not have done what they were doing.

And there was a good purpose behind their activity. People came from afar to make sacrifices at the temple, and it wouldn’t work to require them to bring their own animals. Sacrificial animals had to be outstanding specimens–perfect–no blemishes. Just imagine trying to bring a lamb from Nazareth or some other faraway place–having picked out the best of the flock–and seeing the animal injured on the long journey. Then you wouldn’t be able to make your sacrifice. And then you would have to take the injured animal home again.

No, that wasn’t practical, so, the priests had AUTHORISED these sellers of animals and the money changers in the temple. It was a public service–and it also brought in some money to the temple. It made sense, and so it was AUTHORISED!

But Jesus walked into the temple and drove out the buyers and the sellers, and turned over their tables, and scattered their money all over the floor. He accused the merchants of making God’s house into a den of thieves. Can you imagine! These people were well within their rights! They were AUTHORISED!

And then Jesus set up shop inside the temple, as if he owned the place, and began to teach. Now, to teach in the temple, one needed to be a rabbi. To be a rabbi, one had to go through the proper training–and the laying on of hands–in other words, ordination. Jesus was not adequately trained, and no one had ordained him. What right did he have, then, to teach in the temple? None! But there he was, teaching the people, and the people were acting as if Jesus were someone extraordinary. 

But Jesus was NOT AUTHORISED!

So, the chief priests and the elders asked Jesus, “By what authority are you doing these things, and who gave you this authority?” Good question! Exactly the right question for them to be asking!

“By what authority do you do these things, and who gave you this authority?”

In other words, they were asking Jesus if he was AUTHORISED–and, if so, who AUTHORISED him. There was only one correct answer because only the priests could authorise a person to do what Jesus was doing–and they had not AUTHORISED Jesus.

If Jesus were not AUTHORISED, he was clearly wrong to do to the animal sellers and the moneychangers. Perhaps even criminals that made his teaching in the temple questionable. So, the priests and elders asked, “By what authority do you do these things, and who gave you this authority?” Good question! It was their job to ask such questions!

But Jesus responded by asking them a question. He told them that if they answered his question, he would answer theirs. So, Jesus asked, “The baptism of John, where was it from? From heaven or from men?” 

 He talked about John the Baptist, the great prophet–greatly respected by the people–dearly beloved by nearly everyone–but not dearly beloved by the chief priests and elders. So, Jesus asked, “The baptism of John, where was it from? From heaven or from men?”

That was a good question, too, because Jesus was asking who AUTHORISED John the Baptist to be a prophet. But, of course, as a prophet, John’s authorisation came straight from God. 

Everyone knew that–everyone except the chief priests and elders. The chief priests and elders would not admit that John was AUTHORISED because they had not AUTHORISED him. It was a power thing! The chief priests and the elders were in charge. 

They didn’t like people like John and Jesus coming out of the blue–claiming authority from God–challenging the authority of the priests and elders.

By this time, John was already dead–killed by King Herod. The chief priests and elders must have breathed a sigh of relief when they heard the news of John’s death. One down and one to go!

But now Jesus was asking, “The baptism of John, where was it from? From heaven or from men?” That put the chief priests and the elders in a bind. If they said that John’s authority came from heaven, then Jesus would ask why they had not obeyed John. If they said that John’s authority did NOT come from heaven, then the people would rise up against them because they knew that John’s authority DID come from God. That was very clear to the people. They would not tolerate anyone–even these powerful priests–saying anything wrong about John.

Then, the chief priests and elders said, “We don’t know!”. But it was their JOB to know! It was their job to protect the people from false prophets. It was their job to make decisions about prophets! But they said, “We don’t know!” then, Jesus said, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I do these things”.

Jesus Explains in a Simple Way

Jesus told a story about a father who had two sons. He asked the first son to work in the vineyard, but he said, “No way!” But then, later, the son realised that he had been wrong, so he went into the vineyard and did what the Father had asked him to do. In the meantime, the Father asked his second son to work in the vineyard, and the second son said, “Sure, Dad!” But then the second son wandered off, doing his own thing. He never did go to the vineyard.

Jesus asked the chief priests and the elders, “Which of the two did the will of his father?”

Now the chief priests and the elders indeed realised, at this point, that they were in deep trouble, but they couldn’t say, “We don’t know!” again. Everyone was watching, and they already looked pretty foolish. To say, “We don’t know!” one more time would have confirmed that they were, indeed, incompetent. So, they answered that in the first song, the one who initially looked disobedient but turned out to be obedient–that first son was the one who had done the will of the Father.

So, Jesus said to the chief priests and elders–and I want you to hear this–keep in mind that Jesus is talking to the best of the best–the holiest of the holy–and Jesus said to these holy men – ALBEIT TOXIC PEOPLE!

“Most certainly I tell you that the tax collectors and the prostitutes

are entering into the Kingdom of God before you.

For John came to you in the way of righteousness,

and you didn’t believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him.

When you saw it, you didn’t even repent afterward that you might believe him”.

 That was harsh language for Jesus to use on these holy men, but we’re glad that he did. We’ve seen people who seemed to be something that they were not–in other words, fakes –and we’re glad to see them exposed! 

We’ve seen influential people who use their power to keep themselves in power rather than using their power to help people.

The Problem with this Story

But there are a couple of problems with Jesus’ story. One is the problem of today’s tax collectors and prostitutes–in other words, today’s unrepentant sinners. It’s easy for sinners today to read this story and think, “I am terrible, but at least I am honestly terrible–and so I am better than these holier-than-thou hypocrites who go to church every Sunday!”

We have to be careful not to take that attitude. Jesus calls us to holiness–absolute holiness–, not to a life of judging the other person.

The other problem with this story is that we might think that it concerns people who lived two thousand years ago–and has nothing to do with us today. That, too, would be wrong. 

This Story is about You and Me

This story has everything to do with us today. We all know toxic people and sometimes we just have to get tough with him like Jesus, and not let them walk all over us- like Jesus.

This story also speaks with extraordinary power to preachers and deacons and Sunday school teachers and–well, it speaks to all of us who try to be true Christians. It warns us that if we’re not careful, we’ll become smug and self-satisfied. It warns us that if we’re not careful, we’ll wake up someday to find that we good guys are really the bad guys, and the wrong people are the good people!

In her book, Amazing Grace, Kathleen Norris talks about a Methodist pastor from Montana, USA.

This pastor told Kathleen about a woman who had become a member of their little church. She had been a drunk–a terrible drunk! She had been a cocaine addict! Some people referred to her as a “cocaine whore!” because she was sleeping with whomever! 

And then she sobered up! And then she started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and some of her AA friends took her to church! So now I want you to stop thinking about how much courage it took that woman to step inside that little church – but she went–and she kept going back–and then she joined the church. She began volunteering, and you know how hard it is to get anyone to volunteer. So she volunteered for everything that came along, and started studying, teaching, and visiting. Kathleen Norris sums her up this way:

“It was as if she had tasted salvation and couldn’t get enough of it,

or of the new relationships which these activities had led her to.”

Salvation took such hold in her that, however, she was no longer a promiscuous person. The difference was that she was no longer self-destructive but a bearer of new life to others.

In other words, the woman was no longer promiscuous with her sex, giving it to men randomly. Instead, she was now unrestrained with Christian love–loving people randomly, loving them as Christ would have her to love them.

What can we learn?

Going back to Jesus’ story, we can examine ourselves and ask- Am I a toxic person? which kind of son or daughter an I?

Are you liking the first son, who didn’t want to obey the Father–but finally did? Or are you liking the second son, who said that he would obey but did not?

Are you a renegade–a rebel–but a person who finally decides to do the right thing? Or are you one of those people whose name is on the church rolls but who never does anything for Jesus?

Or are you one of those people who obeys Christ when it feels right but who feels free to disobey the rest of the time (hidden toxicity?

Or are you one of those people who says, “I just don’t want to get involved!”

Or are you one of those people who just doesn’t care!

Jesus says, Careful! Get busy going where God has called you to go, lest you find the tax collectors and prostitutes going into heaven while you watch from the sidelines.

Get busy doing what Christ has called you to do, lest you find yourself watching the drunks and junkies at heaven’s gate while you ask, “When will it be my turn?” Time to get serious, to be the person that God has called you to be!

What strategies do you HAVE TO SPOT A TOXIC PERSON? Let me know- and If this article was helpful to you, please let me know, I would love to hear from you.

Has this post helped you in some way – If so – leave a comment- I would love to hear from you!

Thank you for visiting me here; I hope this post was helpful. 

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Virtual hugs, I look forward to your visit to my next blog post.

Paula x

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Paula is an Ordained Minister, Blogger, Podcaster, Course Creator, Published Author and has a Master of Arts in Counselling and many other qualifications and a lifetime so, I have heaps to share with you.

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