You Need THIS if you’re Grieving.

Is it just me or has the first week or so of the year felt more like a month!? Between balancing work, home, and the grief that I am experiencing, there’s a lot with which to cope.

There are many types of grief that we go through throughout our lives.

We grieve because of the loss of a loved one, as I have experienced recently. We grieve over a divorce and, with it, a loss of lifestyle and perhaps family and beloved friends. We grieve when we move house away from family, friends, and all familiarity. We grieve when we lose our job or enter into retirement when we feel we have lost our sense of purpose.

I wrote the book Nothing Good about Grief in the first year of the pandemic. The losses that everyone experienced worldwide were incalculable, which prompted me to share my experience and expertise within the pages of an uncomplicated book packed with information to support you. 

I have revised Nothing Good about Grief and updated its cover. If you have been through grieve, experiencing it now, or supporting somebody who is, then Nothing Good about Grief will aid you through the lowest times in your life. 

Nothing Good about Grief gives you a small insight into my life and how I have managed my grief and found a way through. Steering your way through grief is not easy, but it is essential to living a whole and happy life. 

We can do nothing about the losses that we have experienced, but we can do something about how we will react to those losses. Nothing Good about Grief will help you turn our lemons into lemonade. Nothing Good about Grief helps you heal your devastation and provides hope for a bright future from now on.

No matter your age, Nothing Good about Grief, with its simple format and workshop towards the end of the book, will guide your way through the experience of grief and help you come through that dark valley into the bright sunshine of expectation.

Pick up your copy of Nothing Good about Grief from Amazon now!

Copy & paste this link into your browser or click on the link-    Nothing Good About Grief: from grief to recovery eBook: Rose-Parish, Paula: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store.

If you would like more personal support as well, I have a Master of Arts in counselling and coaching, so I am happy to help you through your grief- let me know! 

I’d love to hear from you – for any reason. So hit reply and let me know how are you doing after the first couple of weeks of the year? No, really… how are you doing? We put so much stress on ourselves in these first few weeks of the year with all these goals and habits… and it is ok if you haven’t sorted everything yet. So just let me know, how are you doing?

Talk soon,

Paula Rose💕

If you want some ideas and tools to relieve and manage stress, check out the course on the home page.

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Bye for now- and remember live life in Hope, Faith & Love!

Virtual Hugs

Paula Xx

😀So many people want their faith and church to grow. The problem is to figure out where to begin. This site is about helping people do just that. It’s for anyone who feels stuck in their faith and longs for a breakthrough. It’s for people who are exploring Christianity and want to know what it’s all about – apart from what they see in the media. If that’s you – please consider subscribing.

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When a loved one dies- Grief Relief: how to make sense of your grief

HOW to When we plan to take a journey of some kind, we take time to prepare. We are savvy travellers, so we ensure that we have our navigation tools in hand, ensuring they work as they should. We then become familiar with them before we get on the road. The visit to the fuel station guarantees that we will complete our journey. If we don’t, there is a good chance of getting lost, taking a detour, or not getting to our intended destination at all. Now we have a goal, we have a plan, we are ready to begin our journey.

GOOD GRieF! 

I am a child of the 50s and have seen a lot of life. I’ve lived and worked in four countries and visited a whole lot of others. The journey through life, from the very beginning to end, make us who we are. I must have been about ten years old when my very favourite saying became ‘Good Grief Charlie Brown’! I would say it all the time, and it became somewhat of a trademark for me. It was my catchphrase. Although I didn’t know it, I struggled with dyslexia (not diagnosed until my late 40s). Dyslexia was unknown within the educational system at the time, so there was no provision for remedial teaching. Without the support I needed, I hadn’t read a book in full until my early 20s. Reading exhausted me, so I gave up in the first few pages, unable to comprehend the storyline or understand the words.

Thinking back, I seriously tried my hardest at school, but not everyone saw it that way. I could read a little bit, but not enough to keep up with my grades. My teachers reported to my parents that I was lazy, which would add to my overwhelming sense of failure. Tearfully I shouted, ‘I am trying, I just can’t read, I just can’t, and they would fire back at me ‘there’s no such word as can’t’ and told me to try harder. Finally, I was doing so badly that I had to repeat grade two twice. Then I failed in every year of primary school as well. To be expected, I had an awful time in high school, lasting there for only 6 months, leaving in favour of the workplace at the age of 15 years old.

Try as I might, I just didn’t get hold of what was going on in the classroom. I couldn’t follow the thread of ideas, and the bullies duly took advantage of my weakness. On several occasions, a group of boys and girls were waiting for me at the school gate and chased me all the way home after roughing me up. Growing up in Australian schools in the 1950s and 60s wasn’t easy. We had to be tough enough to be able to defend ourselves when needed. And it would always help, of course, if you were a fast runner. My inferiority heightened when my classmates and family devoured books like they were going out of fashion. They would tell me how easy it was to read, so why couldn’t I? Feeling very alone and misunderstood, I began to withdraw into myself. I never went to the school library except for a compulsory session in class. I did not understand why I had to attend the library when I couldn’t read properly. The whole system confused me. I quickly became overwhelmed by the hundreds of books housed on myriads of tall shelves. 

Then one day, while trying to avoid the bullies, I found myself wandering into the school library. It was there that I discovered a small booklet. It was brief enough that I managed to read it almost to the end. I loved that little book, with its cute cartoons on every page, which portrayed the adventures of Charlie Brown. I liked Charlie, he was an unusual little boy, and I found that I could relate to him, bless him. In Charlie, there was a small reflection of myself. Charlie was of short stature, ordinary, like me, and like me, he was sometimes misunderstood. Charlie had a habit of making silly mistakes, he would say stupid things and do things out of the ordinary, and that is when his friends would exclaim, Good Grief, Charlie Brown! I definitely could relate to good ole’ Charlie. 

NOTHING GOOD ABOUT GRIEF

I suffered my first real experience of grief when I split from my fiancé of three years. I was still saying good grief, but now I knew that grief had nothing GOOD about it. In the end, my favourite little motto became a thing of the past -sorry, Charlie. Whether it is death, divorce, a job loss, or anything else that causes us to grieve, all are difficult to cope with. Whatever the circumstances, grief forces us to say goodbye to someone or something. 

Grieving is such a personal and individual thing; we all experience it in our own way. But what is expected is that it makes us sad. I remember the sorrow I felt when I left my home country, Australia, creating a new home overseas. The anguish of saying goodbye to dear friends as I moved away due to work commitments. Because of my ministry, I moved around frequently, so sadness became a familiar companion. I was living 15,000 miles away in the UK. When my mother, who lived in Australia, died. I felt sad when I couldn’t be with her in her last days. The sorrow deepened because I couldn’t help my sisters to care for our aged Dad. – there’s nothing good about grief. 

HOW TO MAKE SENSE OF YOUR GRIEF

I share some of my stories, so you know that you are not alone in this. I want you to see that there is someone out there who can empathise. My purpose is to help you understand your sad feelings and learn to manage them to live a happy and fulfilling life. But, unfortunately, no actual language exists that clearly expresses the reality of the deep pain of grief. 

In 1976 I came to faith in Christ, began attending church, and was told by well-meaning people that all my problems had ended. I believed them. They assured me that because I had found a trouble-free life! It wasn’t long before I found out that this idea was terribly dishonest. Then the problems began, and I was convinced that something was wrong with me. This wasn’t supposed to happen! Discouraged and very confused, I believed that I must have done something wrong. It was my fault somehow. I already had low self-esteem, and this only compounded my sense of helplessness and hopelessness. 

My God encounter was genuine. I hung on tightly to that experience as the turmoil swirled around me. I began to research God’s word for myself and found the truth of the matter. What I was told was a lie, things do go wrong for people of faith, and bad things happen to good people – that is OK, that’s life!

 Every human being on the planet lives through sorrow in different ways and measures and always will. You can imagine my relief to find this was nothing unusual and that there was nothing wrong with me. Many teachings in the Scriptures point out that we will have troubles in this life, especially if we follow Christ closely as his disciples, don’t be surprised by what you are experiencing – God is with you. 

 Bereavement affects everyone in different ways, and it’s possible to experience any range of emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

To make sense of your grief and what you are feeling- here is a few easy tips.

  1. Accept you are not alone; the experience of grief is common to everyone.
  2. Accept you will have troubles; life is full of happiness and sorrow.
  3. Observe how your feelings impact on your thoughts.
  4. Observe how your thoughts impact upon your physical body.
  5. Observe how your feelings’ thoughts and body impact your actions and behaviours.
  6. Do you feel sad or depressed?
  7. Do you feel shock or disbelief?
  8. Do you feel numb or in denial of some kind?

If you need support as you journey through your grief. I am Professionally trained with a Master of Arts in Counselling. Let’s Talk – contact me and see what the next step is right for you. 

If you want some ideas and tools to relieve and manage stress, check out the course in the top menu.

Please like, subscribe, share, and click on my social media if this post was helpful.

I would love to hear from you in our comments section below. 

 If you feel you would like further support, please contact me. Details of How to get in touch with me are found in the top menu.

Traces of grief may always remain

                   it changed me,

                             the real victory is not in the deleting 

                                        the effects,

                                                but in the triumphing over them

                                                                                                Paula Rose Parish

There’s nothing good about grief. When it strikes at the heart, for any reason, the effects send us reeling into bereavement. We are sucked into a vortex of loss, and it feels like we can’t escape. This experience is familiar to us all, life buffets us, and we get hurt. And our grief is left unresolved. What can you do when your heart is broken? What happens when you find yourself in one of the darkest periods of your life, which can feel like the valley of the shadow of death? How can you cope when your whole life is turned upside down and when all that is familiar and held dear is suddenly gone? 

My book called Nothing Good about Grief is the answer.

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

Because you are reading this you are likely seeking a path to recovery, so thank you for being here with me on these pages. You hold in your hands a little ray of light and hope. If you are a person of faith, or no faith, or somewhere in between. Or if you are supporting someone who is grieved or just want to research the topic, then this book is for you.

Like everyone else on the planet, I have experienced my own dark valley of mourning. Throughout this book, I will share a little of my own story and offer a simple Three-Phase guide through the valley of the shadow of grief to recovery. Nothing Good About Grief is based on the well-known Shepherds Psalm. Without a doubt, within these pages, you will find support and the good news you have been looking for.

Change is all about us these days; our reality is vastly different from a few months ago. Suddenly we all have become very vulnerable. The world is experiencing an unprecedented catastrophe. Collectively, we weep and grieve. The worldwide pandemic of the Coronavirus (COVID-19) is still a reality for us all. This unforeseen disaster has swiftly taken the lives of loved ones, leaving the grieving disillusioned and struggling to make sense of it all. During the government-imposed lockdown, people lost livelihoods, assets, and social freedoms. The economy, families and marriages were all under great strain. People living together every day and night, with no respite, have caused domestic abuse to rise sharply worldwide. Families lived in fear of loved ones who were meant to care for and protect them. Basic daily needs became increasingly challenging to meet, and many others became homeless.

We stayed home to stay safe while daily routines and lifestyles were turned upside down. Restricted freedom of movement caused a lot of psychological strain; people felt hemmed in. Sadly, for some, suicide was the only way out. The losses have been incalculable, unbearable, and extraordinary. Every human being on the planet shared a sense of unspeakable loss, collective grief, and we are left bereaved. Nothing will be the same again. What will the future look like? The good news is that all is not lost. Within the beautiful images of the 23rd Psalm, we will find the way forward. And by applying its truth’s, we have a sure hope for a happy future. 

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. Bereavement is the process we go through when we grieve. Being a member of the human race means we walk through dark valleys throughout our lives. As described in Psalm 23, some of those valleys may feel like we are passing through death itself, dramatically changing our reality forever. We try to express to others how we are feeling. Careworn, we fail to find the words that accurately describe our pain. No one can take away our grief. We feel alone. The devastation of our anguish is not apparent. It is visible to the heart. Finding a pathway through can be complicated. There is certainly nothing good about grief!

My book will help you understand and articulate what you are experiencing and come to terms with what’s happening. The thoughts and ideas I present are the results of forty years of my personal and professional experience and theological understanding. When we are grieving, a weighty book is challenging to cope with; therefore, I have written it as an easy read.

Part One is the preamble to later sections. Don’t skip through this because

this will prepare you for your journey.

Part Two is devoted to defining grief and bereavement, understanding what the

Three Phases of grief are and why we feel as we do.

Part Three supplies a Three-Phase guide in your journey through

the dark valley and discovering pathways into the new light of day. 

Part Four provides simple ways to recovery through reflections and guidelines. 

Part Five will help you make the adjustments you need to assist you

on your journey to maintain your recovery.

Why the phased approach and not processes or steps?

 From a therapeutic point of view, I offer a Three-Phase approach because no one grieves in the same way as you do. Your bereavement is particular to how you feel and react to your grief. I see the term Phase as a statement of hope. The symptoms of grief outline here are well documented. However, the difference is that I have developed the phased approach because it’s flexible while using Psalm 23 as a guide. A phase is a period in your life. It’s fleeting. It doesn’t last. The symptoms of your grief I have outlined are shock, suffering, anger, and resentment. As you move through into recovery, these effects will not last. You will fully recover to enjoy life again. A phase denotes qualities that refer to time, a stage and flexibility, softness, and gracefulness. It is not fixed and rigid and can be adapted to each need.

On the other hand, the process or step method is the opposite of the phased approach. The step method is inflexible, doesn’t allow individuality, and is far too general.

I see the three phases as a prescription of care. And like any prescription, the correct dose is required for recovery. If you take more than is prescribed, the effects will be damaging. If you don’t take enough, the remedy will be ineffectual. If you take someone else’s dose, there will be a problem. For each person, the dosage is different depending on a whole host of factors and why each prescription has only your name on it and no one else’s. The three phases are the same – they have your name on them. Instead, utilising the phased approach that following steps or a process method is more realistic and just more darn right kinder! 

For over 40 years and over several countries, I’ve worked as a church leader and professional counsellor. I have had the privilege of helping hundreds of hurting people through the dark valley of grief into recovery. We will journey together, learning that you have a Shepherd who leads you on, who understands, and weeps for your pain while calling you into His love and mercy. 

God is the Shepherd that the 23rd Psalm speaks of. Our Shepherd journeys with us in our most difficult times and invites us to follow Him into shalom- wholeness. And through these pages, I invite you to take that journey with me.

Thank you for visiting me here; I hope this post was helpful. If it was then please like, subscribe, or leave a comment with any questions you may have!

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Virtual hugs, I look forward to your visit to my next blog post!

Paula Rose Parish