How you can find a solution when accused of something you didn’t do, here I share how to find a positive way forward.
Being misunderstood leaves an absolute sick feeling in the pits of your guts, but being accused of something you haven’t done is even worse. When your accuser is absolutely convinced of something you have said, did, or failed to do. and tells everyone about it leaves you totally helpless.
You try to fix it, but no matter what good evidence you put forth in your defence, your accuser remain firms in their charges against you. Then, your life is devastated when the same accusations filter through to your social circle, family, and perhaps even within your professional life.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
This awful situation leaves you perplexed and very upset. You’ve been accused of something you have never even thought of, let alone done. It is causing you stress, anxiety, and many sleepless nights. You feel a sense of deep powerlessness, rejection, and hopelessness in not being able to remedy this situation. You weep and position yourself on the couch with the big tub of ice cream or wine or something that is mildly destructive to your body and mental health.
Sometimes we think nothing can be done, so we let things float, and the misunderstanding or accusation grows exponentially.
The hardest part is to recognise and understand is what can be done.
A POSITIVE WAY OUT
I am speaking as a Christian believer, and this is where I find my solutions. So now, dear reader, if you’re not a person of faith, don’t stop reading because some of this just may resonate with you and work towards a solution for you.
So, let me share a little story with you about one of my experiences of being accused of something I haven’t done.
I was married to the father of my four children for over 15 years. Then out of the blue, with no prior warning, he packed up our only car and literally disappeared into the night. We were abandoned. Try as I might, I could not trace him. Finally, words returned to me not to look for him because he didn’t want to be found.
I won’t mention the devastation that caused my children and me mentally and emotionally. Instead, I just want to share on a practical basis how you can find a solution to being misunderstood or accused of something because, in this story, I show you how I found a positive way forward.
I have two boys and two girls, and one of the girls, AJ, told me that she had a dream just after her father left. The dream was about the story of Joseph in the Bible, which you can find here.
AJ said that the dream involved not Joseph being placed in the pit by his own brothers, but me and the four children by my husband, their father, who then peered down into the pit, laughed, and duly walked away. So now she felt that God gave her the dream because we were discarded like Joseph was, and our end would also be similar to Josephs’.
I took her dream seriously because it encouraged my other children and me enormously, I then proceeded to study the life of Joseph in detail. I consulted many books from various theologians who had various points of view. I consulted the original language in which it was written to see what that might say to me. Finally, I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me into truth in this matter.
Over months, I concluded that AJ was shown this dream for us to learn how to deal with our misfortune. Joseph was wantonly discarded by those he loved. He later was accused of assault by the Egyptian king’s wife, and of course, he didn’t do this. It was a setup. He rejected her advances, so she got upset and spread terrible rumours that he tried to rape her. And, of course, that landed him in jail for the second time.
ONE LIE DESTROYED US
I could relate to this because after my husband left us, word started trickling down through friends and ministry connections that he left us because he could not bear the fact that I had taken a lover, which was supposed to be the local male hairdresser. Now, this could be no further from the truth, I would very rarely go to a hairdresser because I am a hairdresser myself, and I always did, and I do to this day, tend to my own hair and that of my family’s, so I have no need for a hairdresser!
Sadly, my children also heard this rumour through the grapevine; thankfully, they knew it wasn’t true.
My eldest daughter Micahrose said to me, ‘mommy, we know this isn’t true because you are always working from your office here at home, and when you go shopping or visiting anybody in your ministry or do anything, you take us with you. Nobody ever babysits us because we are always with you, and we can’t see how it would be possible that you would have the time or the opportunity to take a lover’. This was coming from a 15 my old daughter whose maturity and opinion I valued time very much.
Although my children knew the truth of the matter, some of my work colleagues – without checking – believed the lie. Within a few short months, the lie found its way to the shores of Australia, where my parents live. One day, my mother phoned me, and the first thing she said to me was, ” What on earth do you think you’re doing?”
My husband was still disappeared, and I didn’t know where he was. Finally, however, I found out through his family that my husband flew to Australia and visited my parents, telling them a sad and sorry tale about the demise of our marriage due to my alleged infidelity. My husband was a textbook narcissist; he could sell ice to an Eskimo, so they believed him. Sadly, my parents did not question me if this was true or not, nor did they tell me of the full content of the conversation. Still, obviously, judging by what my mother said to me over the phone and subsequent conversations, she accepted what he had said as truth and was going to sort me out!
It wasn’t until 10 years later when I visited my parents in Australia, I actually had the opportunity to sit down with them and share the whole experience in detail. Then, at last, they accepted my version of events.
When my husband took it upon himself to visit my parents, he told them he was now alone and desperately hurting. But what my parents did not know, is that his lover flew over with him from the USA, and was waiting for him in their accommodation. I know this because he told some of his family, who duly contacted me.
Now I won’t go into any more detail because this blog will be far too long otherwise. But, perhaps I can make a YouTube video on it to share a bit more detail. So, if you’re interested in that, please let me know in the comments.
But the point is that how I learnt to deal with false accusations was the same way as Joseph dealt with them. Below are a few pointers to what I have found that may help you to deal with a similar experience………
1) Ask God to vindicate you. Joseph was eventually vindicated; it took years, but it happened. Finally, the truth came out, and he was loved and respected once again.
2) do not try to vindicate yourself. This is because you fall into the trap of very quickly take some kind of vengeance without thinking it through. Instead, trust that God who loves you, has got your back and will sort it out in due time as was done for Joseph.
3) do not spread gossip about your accuser. Because if you do, you might embellish the story to get back at them. The problem with this is that approach will eventually affect and reflect poorly upon you and your character.
4) do not even entertain one thought of vengeance. God says vengeance is mine I will repay. You will find that here.
5) Joseph’s brothers became his enemies, yet he still loved them and chose to care for them when they were in need during the famine. So likewise, Jesus said to us to love our enemies and pray for them. So, I blessed my husband and prayed for him regularly, although he had disappeared. I prayed for his well-being and success, and happiness.
6) Do what you would have others do to you; you will find that here. Treat your accuser with respect because they are fellow human beings. Eventually, that respect will come back to you in buckets.
7) Thank God every day for the answer to your situation in advance. Joseph never lost hope amid his difficulties. On the contrary, he expected a better tomorrow and for the solutions to come.
Well, that’s a few things I learned how to deal with this horrible situation. But, because of my daughter’s dream, I learnt that things would work out for good and for the children’s good in the end.
THEN THIS HAPPENED!
About three years later, my vindication came. By that time, I was residing in the United Kingdom (a long story) when I received a very unexpected telephone call.
A group of colleagues from the USA searched for me and eventually found me because they wanted to issue an apology collectively.
During this phone call, they told me that they found out that it was, in fact, my husband that took a lover and left his family as a consequence and not me.
They recognised that the children and I were left destitute, without any support and eventually experienced homeless for over six months – which had dire consequences for us in the short-term and long term. I accepted the apology, and I thanked God for the vindication. Those same people recommended me for full-time ministry to the denomination that I now work for.
BAD NEWS AND GOOD NEWS
The bad news is that the lie about me reached my close circle of friends in Australia to whom I would visit, and they would visit me on my trips to Australia. I know this because one of my friends told me that she believed my husband’s story over mine. This surprised me because they had never seen or spoken to my husband since he left us and had no idea where or how he was living. But they did speak to his brother, who spun a convincing story to protect his brother. It is sufficient to say that I decided to break contact with those friends. However, although they hurt me very much, I still pray for them, and I hold no hatred or bitterness against them. In fact, I actually feel sorry for them because they believed and propagated disgusting gossip, so they have revealed something of their true character.
The good news is that all of my children are successful adults with their own families and careers. And I did not have to unload any baggage of hatred or bitterness because I never adopted that attitude in this situation.
It’s good news that I trusted God from the word go to vindicate me and restore us because I was determined to deal with it the Joseph way. So, when I got down and upset, I would re- read the story of Joseph, and I thank God to this very day that AJ shared that dream with me.
HAS MY SHARING CANDILY BEEN HELPFUL TO YOU?
I hope this post has been helpful to you. If you follow me you will know, that health and well-being of mind, body, and spirit is the focus of my ministry and my websites and social media platforms. This is because our thinking, attitudes, and manner in which we deal with our lives directly impact our health and well-being.
Let’s be like Joseph, who came out of the situation successfully, healthy, and well because he dealt with it in a Godly way.
So, to encourage you, even if you don’t believe in God, give it a try, and you may be surprised how you can come out of this situation in such a positive way and move forward in hope for faith and love.💕